A question posed to anyone for consideration: At what point do we make the change from innocent, and lacking the common "quality" of greed, to a much more common, much more societal representation of maturity by desiring things? In other words, at what point does one begin greed? Daily, we go through our lives, and it's a constant struggle within to balance what we want, with what we think we should want. Again, in other words, there is a catch inside our brains which tells us the thoughts we're having about objects, and the desires we put forward towards these objects is wrong. Some call this conscience. In some regards, it is. What's left to be decided is that when does this enter our minds? Most would argue the same tired argument that seems to uncover itself in cases like this one: It's entirely different for different people. Well, quite frankly, and to state the underlying cynic in all of us who hear this tired statement "Of course it is." Enter the pivotal "but..." Arguably, there is a point, or a series of realizations that one must, must, go through. The real question, is not whether we actually go through these series of changes, as it is how fast they occur. And this can only be determined in how we are raised. So, with that said, it's fairly inevitable that this occurs. Which really begs the question, can innocence, and a truly unselfish nature be carried throughout childhood, and into our young adult, and adult lives? The answer is unequivocally yes. Constantly we are reminded of the constant opulence of our society. From the branding we find on the shelves from Nordstrom's to Target, to the extravagance of the holiday season, society is overrun with the stimuli necessary to promote these changes at an even earlier age than we previously have seen. This series of changes that does in fact occur, leads society, and more importantly the individual into a curve that leads downward. We begin at the young age, as realizing that material things make us happy for a time, not unlike sexual pleasure. This satisfaction fades, and the desire for the next replaces. That influence, and the series of changes that brought us to this realization in the first place, follows us into young adulthood, where we can impose the attitudes these changes induced onto our peers. Later, we impose, almost on the subconscious level on our children. So, the question, that a series of questions brings is two-fold: does our "growing up" qualify as true maturity? and secondly, when does this end, and along the same lines, and more importantly, can it end?
Wed, Dec. 24th, 2003, 09:30 pm
Today, while laying on the floor in the middle of the day, and in between readings of the new Wired , I came to a realization. This journal has served such a superficial service. I keep the rare internet reader informed on my menial and mundane daily tasks. No longer will this be the case. All superfluous entries and ramblings will be posted in the FTA community. I'll post a link to FTA in it's own entry, so that if there is someone out there who enjoys the daily ramblings, you'll know where to go.
Now, you might be asking, "What then, will the purpose of this journal be?" The answer is simple. My own thoughts, original thoughts. The entries that will follow will not be daily, nor will they be about the day's activities. They will on the other hand be enlightening (hopefully), and seek to say something new, as all writing should do. Writing is a journey into the unknown, and it should always be the goal of a writer to say something new, go somewhere that no one has ventured before. It might sound Star Trek-esque, but it's the truth.
Tue, Dec. 23rd, 2003, 07:48 pm
A New Location
Got into Philadelphia this afternoon, and after over an hour of waiting for the airlines to fix the problems, I received my baggage. Seeing the whole family was good, my little sister is still scared to death of me for some strange reason. My other little sister on the other hand, followed me around like a shadow all night. We had a good dinner, and drinks. It was overall a great night.
So, here I sit after watching adaptation for inspiration, waiting for pitter pat to get on, so that I can waste (but not really waste, more like share) my night away with her. Looks like she just got here. I'm really looking forward to getting back to my school enviroment. There's a lot of exciting things that I think will happen next semester, and it will be very cool to go somewhere that I know people this time (as opposed to first semester, where i knew no one) Anyway, I'm off. More later.
Well, this weekend was fun, interesting, and sad all at the same time. Friday I got to chill with my good buddy Garrett. Volleyball, swordfighting with sticks, handstands, my house, music. It was good times. Headed over to Bryan's house for a "bonfire". I'm going to use this term loosely. It consisted of Gary and other squirting lighter fluid randomly on wet logs that were tossed into an open grill in Bryan's Cul-de-sac. The fire quickly turned into a burning fest as Gary decided to find palm fronds, and light them on fire. If you haven't seen palm fronds burn...it's funny. They burn like no other, and at certain points I almost figured it was destined to have the cops called by Bryan's neighbors. Went to Wendy's with Erin, and got to catch up with her a bit. That was fun. Met Laura...who looks exactly like Ali Hilfiger on Rich Girls...seriously funny stuff. Gary and I also played 9 Ball Crusade, score: Me-3, Gary-1. After I went home, Kenny picked me up, and we went up to our friend Matt's house, got there are 2 in the morning and woke everyone up. Saturday I pretty much hung out at school, catching up with old high school friends. It was really strange coming back after being gone for so long. I don't miss the place at all, but there are people there that I still care about. Went to Perkin's just like old times late that night. So many people showed up: Nic, Monk, Chris, Foodstamp, Tiddy, Fleet, B Day showed up with Chelce in arm. Got a chance to talk for a while with B Day, one of people who will listen to anything you have to say, and also has a lot to say thats helpful. Drove back after Perkin's with Kenny, back to good ol' winter springs. I was kinda depressed the whole way. I sort of realized that these people are living their own lives, and that we're really not gonna be friends our whole life, or at least it seems like that now. Went to church this morning...highly uneventful. I miss the older folks there, the ones who are sweet, and the ones who i know are going to die soon, and I won't be there to talk to their families, or talk to others who knew them. I will once again be informed by a phone message, or an email, and feel disconnected and distant from the world in which i dwelt for so long. Tonight, I'm supposed to go for sushi and do something else (which has yet to be revealed to me) with Ashley. Don't know if it's going down though, got a weird message. This was the longest i've posted in forever. Gary, lj cult talk to come soon.
Went with my mother to visit my uncle today. We always argue about the same stupid stuff, ie how fast she chooses to drive. She always gives my uncle (a bachelor at 50) such a hard time about this house, it drives me up the wall. I love my uncle though. He took us out to eat, joked around with me, he's the only guy who I can talk to about photography stuff, because he's the only person in the family who a) understands me b) has my same set of values and places importance on the same things. For example, I'd rather buy a new lens for a camera, and some film than I would a couch, even if i needed the couch, because I feel like i need the lens more...blah blah blah. Florida's getting old. It'll get older tonight when i'm supposed to go see a movie with these two people. Wierd stuff I tell you. It's cold here too now, but i got new boots for 8 bucks, and a new jacket for 7, so i really can't complain. Tomorrow - islands of adventure with one of the greatest people in the world. where are you pitter pat???
So i'm home for like a week and a half, or something like that. And i have like 90 people to see. And my mom had the great idea that she'd take some days off to spend time with me. So therefore, this cuts into my friend time. I did see elf, which was amazing. so, today, i will be forced to do things with my mom while my two best friends have a day off work and want to do something, something probably crazy, probably lots of fun. It shall wait til later. Oh later? i forgot i had told gary that i'd go to a party with him. Why can't we just come together? seriously. wednesday i made the mistake of telling my uncle i wanted to see him, mainly only because i want to use a darkroom because its seriously been four months and i'm having withdrawl. Well, he can't get into the darkroom, so we're going to Daytona tomorrow afternoon to see him, AND i get no darkroom. Boo hoo. thursday islands of adventure..woo hoo. friday i don't know...some strange person might come over. I really want to try and see erin, since she has no idea i'm in town, and it would be way funny. saturday, alumni activities at school! i'm about as excited as a root canal. I'm just going to scare people with how i look and act. and maybe see a few friends. sunday-christmas with the family, and our families best friends, then some suprise that night and sushi for dinner with ashley. monday, mom has the day off before i leave. I'm going to attempt to try and play golf with kenny if she'll allow it. then tuesday i head to Philly to see dave. hm...am i busy? better yet i'm like a boat without oars (aka car)
Mon, Dec. 15th, 2003, 10:39 pm
What a day
Seriously i can't think of a better title than what a day. someone throw me a bone
went to some mall today with ashley, that was fun. She gave me the best idea for a screen play that i'm going to IMMEDIATELY start working on. went and saw elf tonight. it was the best major release i've seen in a while. jon favereu is amazing.
Mon, Dec. 15th, 2003, 05:03 pm
this still works huh?
It's been entirely too long since i've updated this thing. So lets quickly cover the past month:
-I had a birthday, yes i'm 19 now, so buy me something
-i got nearly nothing for my birthday from my parents (which is ok, just annoying)
-trying to stop smoking
-not really working trying to stop
-hung out with rock stars
-almost tried coke
Now, to some interesting details. One day in the past month (how vague is that) I went out to get some fish tacos with some people, and it was way sketch. I went with some people that were friends, and some that weren't really. I ended up sitting next to this girl (no names, but she's already had bad stuff posted about her on someone else's journal) and i tried to have a conversation with her, but she's seriously so stupid, she makes conversation impossible. It's one of those, where i know the words coming out of my mouth are not stupid, but because of her stupidity, she makes me feel stupid.
I made a pretty awesome new friend, Ryan, he sometimes reads this and makes fun of me, so there's your plug ryan. You should watch him on TV...he thinks he's cool or something.
Been playing more and more poker, which is cool, cause i'm winning a lot now. going up to SB for a tourney friday morning.
I can't wait for it to rain
that's all for now...hopefully updates will be more frequent.
Mon, Sep. 22nd, 2003, 01:00 am
I know all of you wonderful souls are dying to know an update on my weekend...so here goes:
Friday - I sat around. I sat around some more. By the time Tanner came up with something to do, I was so pissed off I hadn't done anything at this point, I didn't want to do anything. I drove to Jack in the box, ate, and crashed.
Sataurday - Slightly better day. Did some work in the early afternoon, then ended up hanging out with Taylor, Merin, Sam, and Dave. Went into Santa Monica to go to the mall, ate yogurt, and i bought hair dye. Found absolutely nothing i wanted at the mall, or in Santa Monica. Didn't even find a piercing shop. Ho Hum.
Sunday - Best damn day of the weekend. Woke up before the alarm went off, which was nice for a change. Talked to Ileana, and we were still on for the dying appointment. Needless to say I was stoked on the dying of the hair. She worked so long and so hard on my hair, and I love her for it. In the end, it came out not how i had envisioned it, but it came out to my satisfaction, and hers. She ended up getting locked out of my room, as did i, preventing her from leaving my abode. A quick call fixed that. Ate a crappy dinner, and went to a poker tournament. $20 buy in. I lost. I was pissed. I played everything right, made all the right calls, it was just a weird atmosphere for a poker tourney. YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO CALL AN ACE-KING WITH A K-2. anyway. i'll get my money back another night, no worries.
Not really sure who reads this besides Jane and Elaina, but here's the deal: I dislike girls at this school. I hate walking around with them, because guys walk up and talk to them, it's probably the most annoying aspect of going to school here. I enjoyed hanging out with Ileana so much today, she isn't from the school, and doesn't care about the people here, besides maybe me. or jason, but that's beside the point. I like Ileana a lot, and i hope i get to hang out with her again later this week. Also, was supposed to do something with Chrissy this weekend. that apparently fell through, later this week with her too.
Jane - Stop going to school. lets move.